How To Improve Your Thinking
How To Improve Your Thinking
We’re hard wired. Personality, intelligence, ability - it’s all set at an early age. Personality in particular. It’s just the way you are. One of your “attributes” might get in the way of a better life, but why try to fight it and fail?
In studying personality, psychologists often have pegged the age of final jelling as early as 5 and as late as 30. In other words, adults past they’re 20’s should just forget about making meaningful changes.
Well, chin up.
Several personality psychologists have begun to say the “set in stone” premise has gone too far. Research is showing that individuals’ personalities do change over time, that personality change is ongoing.
Most important they say, motivated people with the right outlook and some common sense strategies can tweak they’re traits to work better for them.
Expert Perspectives
Here’s how Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychology professor with a recent book on the topic, looks at personality change:
“You need more than motivation, you need the right belief system.” Dweck, author of “Mindset, The New Psychology of Success,” about personality tweaks, said people have one of two mindsets: fixed versus growth.
People with the fixed mind-set believe intelligence and personality traits are deep-seated and fixed. People with a growth mind-set believe personality and intelligence can be developed and cultivated.
Growth mind-set people are certain they can change and improve, Dweck said. Fixed mind-set people listen to the voice in they’re heads that says, “watch out, failure ahead,” she said. After a setback, that voice says, “Pull out now.”
Dweck studied pre-med students taking an organic chemistry course. All were highly motivated to get good grades. Two groups emerged among those who weren’t performing as well as they hoped. One group quickly concluded organic chemistry simply wasn’t they’re thing. The other group didn’t talk in those terms. They believed they could get better and made plans to do so.
In the end, the students with growth mind-sets outperformed students with fixed mind-sets, who were less resilient and had more fear, she said.
“You have to believe first that change is possible, and you need to understand that change comes through systematic strategies,” Dweck said.
A person’s personality traits no doubt change over time, said Steve Ilardi, associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. An irresponsible 15-year-old can become a responsible 25-year-old, Ilardi said. That’s because personalities develop and mature with age and in response to circumstances.
But can a irresponsible 25-year-old turn himself into a highly responsible 25-year-old? Actually no one should expect big, positive swings in personality, he said.
Take Dweck’s example of the shy person. “A shy person can become a more comfortable person”, Ilardi said. “But it’s not likely they’ll become the person who says, “Lets throw a party for a hundred of our closest friends, and I’ll put a lampshade on my head.”
Even small changes take a lot of work, sometimes requiring therapy, Ilardi said. A good therapist can help a patient overcome such things a social anxiety and phobias, but success takes time.
“People get caught in predictable patterns, in ruts,” he said. “It takes a lot of awareness to say, “I’m going to take these steps, and I’m going to stay with it.”
“I can’t even change the coffee shop I go to without agony,” said Judith Sills, clinical psychologist and author of “The Comfort Trap.” “Change is an effortful, focused process. It requires concentration and practice.”
But it can be done, she said. A particularly grudging person can learn to praise others. A highly expressive person with a loose tongue can become more discreet. A passive person can become more assertive.
“You can identify those aspects of you that trip you up, and in a focused and specific way, you can really alter reactions and behaviors and make your life better,” she said.
Trying to figure out why you are the way you are could be a waste of time, Sills said. Instead concentrate on how to start the process of change. Generally the key is take baby steps, she said.
For example, the person who wants to be more involved in work life might set a small goal for the next meeting, such as making a suggestion to a colleague. A person who wants to be more assertive might choose one action they’ve been putting off, such as discussing a long simmering disagreement with a neighbor. After choosing the action, identify the small step that will force the situation, such as picking up the phone to make the dreaded call.
“These new small things are so wonderful,” Sills said. “Now you have the beginnings of a repertoire to fall back on. Now your the person who stood up for himself and made the call. Now you see yourself as a different person.”
How One Woman Did It
Mary Redmond was at a crossroads. An adviser told her the success of a business she started depended on one thing: She had to do professional speaking. “I would have preferred to have dental surgery without painkillers,” she said.
Redmond, of Bonner Springs, Kan, was personable but not the master-of-ceremonies type. Her personality lent itself to one-on-one discussions. That’s what she was good at. But now she knew she had to change. She needed to be that emcee type, the center of attention, at least long enough to make a great business presentation.
Her first step: Sign up for a one day class with presentation coach Mike Bayly. She further forced the situation by booking two presentations shortly after. At the end of a long day with Bayly, she felt ready. “I can do this,” she said. But it was a good thing she booked two events, because the first was a disaster.
“It was a Rotary Club, and the only people who seemed to enjoy my presentation were the 15 people from Russia who didn’t speak English,” Redmond said.
The second event was a great success, drawing kudos from audience members. Now Redmond not only does presentations for her company, but also gets hired to speak nationally in other business settings.
And she thinks she can get better, so much so, she has signed up for her second improvisation workshop with a comedy group.
Comedy improv for business presentations? Redmond says it makes her more at ease in front of a crowd, more willing to be physical and funny and, therefore, more engaging. “I had to commit to changing myself,” Redmond said. “And it changed my life.”
Tweaking Tools
A recent Psychology Today article listed six “tools” for tweaking aspects of one’s personality and making others work for you.
1. Believe in change, and success in altering a trait is much more likely.
2. Discover your “signature strengths.” Go to www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu for a questionnaire.
3. Identify and reject your overly pessimistic beliefs.
4. Follow a systematic approach to change with help from a friend or therapist.
5. Take risk and see your confidence increase.
6. Find the niches in life that fit best with your traits.
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on Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 am and is filed under book, Better Living, Achievement, Awareness, Blogging, Best, Blogroll.
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